My name is Julie. Depression runs on both sides of my family. My family is very “old school” and they whisper the word depression like it was something to be ashamed of. I had always been able to pull myself back up after “down time.” Then life happened. We lost our family home; my dad got sick and had to stop working. We knew that he was sick and he wanted to go home to North Carolina to die. Three months later he died. I broke that night. The physical pain that comes with depression is unlike anything that I've experienced. I finally got to the point where I believed that death was my only way to stop the pain.
All it takes is one reason to keep going. Then you'll find more as you go along!
I searched the internet looking for the best way to do. I found a website that described what would happen to me while I was dying and what I would look like to the person who found me. By the time I reached the end of the site it was revealed that the person speaking was not just a writer, but he had come back from the edge. I realized who would be the person to find me and it would have been my younger brother. He was born with special needs. Our dad died while taking a shower. He heard the thud of our dad hitting the tub.
My little brother did for me what I had promised our dad that I would do for him. Bobby was the only person that could see me sinking. He went with me to get help! I now know that suicide is permanent. There are no do overs. The pain that I would have caused my brother stopped me from going through with it. I still have really down days that hurt beyond measure. All it takes is one reason to keep going. Then you'll find more as you go along! I am now on medication and therapy for depression! I have no insurance, but there is help out there for people going through this. I have found that there are a lot of people out there in the same pain. The group I'm in now has people from different walks of life, yet we all have known depression.
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